I created this art piece while on maternity leave. I remember the feeling of playing with shapes, colors, textures- made up of used tea bags- it was magical.It was freeing. Z taught me freedom- with her ease and her sense of calm, I was able to do anything I needed, and at the same time, be present with her. She gave me confidence that I know how to Mother and be Mother. She also helped me to reclaim my body and my body's ability to do amazing things- like birth my child. If I can sum up my leave with her, through a creative venture- I'd say my lines got looser- more playful- and more free.
As I return to work- I feel a lot of sadness. Sadness going back to work and being away from little Z. Sadness around close friends leaving work and moving on to different places. Sadness around life looking different- being away from kids- coming home late- and prepping several hours for the next day to do it all over again.
I know in time, it won't be this way. I can create in the mornings, evenings, or during nap times on weekends or with my kids. I can eat lunch outside, I can leave work early to greet Z or L on a surprise lunch date. I can de-compress and not worry about finances (although 2 kids in daycare= another mortgage), I can satisfy my creative tooth and sweet tooth, all while feeling empowered at work to create micro or macro change.
I need to trust that my art will move me- to foreign, unknown places- to places filled with intense anxiety, creative blocks, and resistance. But I must trust- that they are taking me places if I continue to give them an entry point. I just have to allow them to come- and the art will.
This is the year of abstract. Last year, was pen and ink (thank you L for the teachable moments in structure and discipline). I welcome abstract, in all it's glory- to teach me more about play, ease, and freedom.
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